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UNCIVILIZED
Edmund Vance Cooke (1866-1932)
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An
ancient ape, once on a time,
Disliked exceedingly to
climb,
And so he picked him out
a tree
And said, "Now this belongs
to me.
I have a hunch that monks
are mutts
And I can make them gather
nuts
And bring the bulk of
them to me,
By claiming title to this
tree." |
He
took a green leaf and a reed
And wrote himself a title
deed,
Proclaiming pompously
and slow:
"All monkeys by these
presents know".
Next morning when the
monkeys came
To gather nuts, he made
his claim:
"All monkeys climbing
on this tree
Must bring their gathered
nuts to me,
Cracking the same on equal
shares;
The meats are mine, the
shells are theirs." |
"But
by what right?" they cried, amazed,
Thinking the ape was surely
crazed
By this", he answered;
"if you'll read
You'll find it is a title
deed,
made in precise and formal
shape
And sworn before a fellow
ape,
Exactly on the legal plan
Used by that wondrous
creature, man,
In London, Tokyo, New
York,
Glengarry, Kalamazoo and
Cork. |
Unless
my deed is recognized,
It proves you quite uncivilized."
"But", said one monkey,
"You will agree
It was not you who made
this tree."
"Nor", said the ape, serene
and bland,
"Does any owner make his
land,
Yet all of its hereditaments
Are his and figure in
the rents." |
The
puzzled monkeys sat about
They could not make the
question out.
Plainly, by precedent
and law,
The ape's procedure showed
no flaw;
And yet, no matter what
he said;
The stomach still denied
the head. |
Up
spoke one sprightly monkey then:
"Monkeys are monkeys,
men are men;
The ape should try his
legal capers
On men who say respect
his papers.
We don't know deeds; we
do know nuts,
And spite of 'ifs' and
'ands' and 'buts'
We know who gathers and
unmeats 'em,
By monkey practice also
eats 'em.
So tell the ape and all
his flunkies
No man tricks can be played
on monkeys"
Thus, apes still climb
to get their food,
Since monkeys' minds are
crass and crude
And monkeys, all so ill-advised,
Still eat their nuts,
uncivilized. |
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